Forgiven - book 4 (Star Crossed MC Lovers) Read online

  "My hair is always a mess, and I wouldn't dream of going anywhere with you but on the back of your bike." I squeezed his hand and walked out of the garage. The warmth of the sun worked hard to bring me back to life, but everything was a bit too dull, too gray to push past the heavy emotions I harbored.

  "I love your hair. Your smile. All of you." He got on the bike an offered me a hand. "I don't think it's your father that we should be looking for today. I honestly think Elec will show up."

  "And we want him to." I slipped my helmet over my head and wrapped my arms around the sexy man in front of me who had stolen every part of me over the last three years. Pressing my chest to his back, I slid my hands down his stomach and cupped him, squeezing softly as his body tensed.

  We hadn't made love in a few days, and I knew he needed me. He was respecting my time of mourning, and I loved him all the more for it. I would never get over the loss of Grandma, but over time, with Lucky's help, I would try and heal.

  The wind whipped around us as we drove through the town, and I turned to watch the world go by. A numbness wrapped me up tightly where my father was concerned. I hated him without a doubt, and I had no doubt it would be me that took his life for taking Grandma's, but I couldn’t seem to access anything around the events we'd just been through or how I was truly holding up.

  On the other side of town, the number of people at St. Mark's church was astounding. St. Maria's was where my grandma went to church her whole life. We had as well, when my mother was alive, but now that it was closed due to our showdown, we had no other choice for the funeral. I was curious to know what the DEA had uncovered at St. Maria's, and almost hoped that Dane would be at the funeral that day. I knew that Lucky was struggling a lot with his friend standing around the edges of the drama, but I understood Dane's position. He was under lock and key from his squad. Even if he had wanted to help Lucky at the church that night, it would have been bad. He wouldn't have survived it. He was too soft, too clean, and too normal.

  We parked and Lucky waited for me to get off the bike, offering me his hand and helping me as if I were some sort of fragile flower. Though I felt like one, I would never let anyone around me know it. I couldn't slip in front of them, not even Lucky. Holding myself together was the only thing I wanted to focus on.

  I tugged off my helmet and waited for Lucky to join me. It was odd having everyone see us together, but our ruse was over, our secret out. And we had shocked everyone. I could tell by their long stares, gasps, and whispers. We risked everything for forbidden love and now the world knew.

  "I love you," Lucky whispered softly.

  “I love you, too.”

  We took our places at the reception line as people filed solemnly into the church.

  "I'm sorry for your loss, Selene," a woman I barely knew said.

  "Me too,” said another familiar face. “I'm praying for your family."

  My life was spinning out of control. I was numb, drowning in grief, drowning in a sea of emotions. Raw, jagged pain gripped me with their words. My heart had been shattered forever.

  There’s no air left in my lungs. I’m empty. I’m dying. Why didn’t he just kill me instead?

  The condolences went on and on as we greeted the mourners who milled about the little old church. Lucky walked me to the front as my chest constricted; the air seemed to be sucked from the room. The smell of moth balls and stale vanilla wafted by me, and my stomach turned. I paused in the middle of the aisle, not sure if I was going to hold back the bile that rose sharply in my throat.

  The shiny black casket that sat at the front of the church was open, though I could have sworn I asked them to keep it closed. Death had always been a part of my life, but seeing someone I cared about, adored, worshipped, lying in one of those boxes was too much.

  "I can't do this," I whispered and took a step back.

  "Okay. Then we leave." Lucky turned and slid his strong fingers around my face, his eyes filled with concern. "We'll get out of here. She's already smiling in heaven."

  I tried to catch my breath as the room darkened. "I don't know. I don't know what to do!"

  There wasn't a time I could remember losing my composure other than at my mother's funeral, but that was years ago. Funny, how it seemed like yesterday now that I was standing in the aisle of the church with my grandma lying dead just feet away.

  "We're going to do whatever you want to do. Just say the word and we'll run to the ends of the earth together." He kissed the tip of my nose and things started to settle inside of me.

  "Don't let go of my hand." I turned and stiffened my shoulders, moving to the front as my knees shook terribly. I dropped down in the pew and focused on the large ornate stained-glass windows behind the pulpit. I could get through the next thirty minutes. I had to.

  "I'm right here." Lucky wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close, squeezing me into his side.

  "Thanks." I glanced down the pew beside me, recognizing some of the faces as friends of my grandmother's. The cute little girls from down the road waved as I turned my head and recognized them. I waved and the youngest darted from her mother's lap and ran down the aisle as the mom got up. I smiled and reached for her, pulling her into my lap.

  "Does this mean you're not going to come visit us anymore?" Her eyes filled with tears as she turned and laid her head on my shoulder. She petted the side of my face, somehow knowing that I needed comfort.

  "Of course not. Lucky and I will come play with you guys all the time." I smiled and fought back a fresh wave of tears. "I'm thinking about moving into Grandma's house, but it will be a little while before I can do that."

  She nodded as her mother moved in front of us, kneeling and reaching for the girl.

  "Cindy. Come on, baby." She smiled at me. "I'm so sorry for your loss. She was so good to all of us. I can't tell you the number of times I had coffee with her."

  I nodded and released the little girl as her mother started to cry.

  "Thank you," I responded and snuggled back against Lucky.

  The priest walked to the front of the church and started the ceremony as I faded into my thoughts. The scene at the church shouldn't have gone down like it did. Grandma shouldn't have been there and Lucky shouldn't have, either. It was all about my father's retribution for finding out about me and Lucky. How fucking stupid had I been to think that I could get away with anything where he was concerned? He would always be in my business, in the middle of my life. If he didn't like what was happening, he was the type of man that would do anything to change it. It didn't matter whose life he took, destroyed or squashed. He was Rafael Delgado, and he was god in his own mind.

  I shuddered and looked over at Lucky as a tear rolled down his face. Closing my eyes, I rested against him and tried to imagine how beautiful it was by the lake, how serene it might be. I would have him take me out there once we got through the burial. Just the two of us.

  ***

  "That was beautiful." He held my hand tightly as we approached the grave site. "I thought you'd fallen asleep there for a little while." He chuckled. "Hell, I'd hoped you had. You need some rest."

  "No, I just couldn't handle most of what was happening. I just blocked it out and went to a happy place."

  He squeezed my hand. “I’m right here, baby. If you need me, I’m here.”

  “My grandma will forever live in my broken heart,” I said, voice wavering, tears flowing down my face.

  “We’ll miss her like hell.”

  “I don’t think the huge, gaping hole in my heart will ever heal.”

  Lucky hugged me and I tried to embrace the overwhelming grief and pain that washed over me.

  I stopped just outside of the small tent they had prepared for us above the opening in the ground and motioned for him to move up behind me.

  He wrapped his arms around me and pressed a kiss to the side of my neck. "I think you're supposed to sit in one of those chairs."

  "I'm a rebel. I stand when they say sit, a
nd sit when they say stand." My tone was flat, but he gave me a warm chuckle regardless.

  The pastor read some more from the Bible and blessed the grave with Holy Water, and I stood there numbly, so ready for the event to be over. I loved Grandma and wanted to respect her and honor this final day, but I knew she would want a celebration of her life. That was hard to do, seeing that it was taken from her so heinously.

  After the service was over, the pastor stopped by to console me, but I brushed him off, because I was too upset to talk. At this point, I was sobbing, hot mess. I don’t even think Lucky knew what to do, so he just held me as I returned to his side.

  Dane approached. "Selene. I'm sorry. So sorry." He glanced down at the ground and back up to me. The sadness on his features was multi-layered. He was sorry for so many things, but Lucky wouldn't relent.

  "Yeah. You should be. This is your fault." His chest swelled as he stood next to me, and I moved between them, giving Dane the best apologetic expression I could muster.

  "Thank you. I'll talk to you soon." I reached out and squeezed his hand. "Just tell me one thing before you go."

  "Anything." He clasped onto my hand, releasing it only as Lucky growled low in his chest.

  "Did you guys find the drugs and money in St. Monica's? Was there enough there to convict my father?"

  His lips drew into a tight line. "No. Someone cleaned it out. Your dad is a brilliant villain and knew exactly what he needed to do to save his own ass. There was nothing left for us when we got there."

  "Why does this not surprise me?" Lucky barked.

  The sound of my cousin’s voice set my nerves on edge as he moved up beside us. "It shouldn't surprise you. Rafael is a mastermind, whether you want to admit it or not."

  "What the fuck are you doing here?" Lucky moved in front of me, putting himself between me and Elec. "Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you where you stand."

  He reached for his gun, but I stopped him, moving to stand beside him again. Elec glanced over at me with sadness in his face.

  "I'm sorry about Grandma. I wanted to save her, too." The twitch in his left eye told me he was close to tears. A part of me wanted to reach out, but I couldn't. I didn't trust any of them anymore. None of them.

  "I highly doubt that." Dane moved up into the middle of the fray. "You're the one that bagged up Lena and threw her in the back of a car."

  "It was part of the deal, guys. I'm not sure what part of this you two idiots aren't understanding." A darkness slipped over Elec's expression that I was all too familiar with. He was close to snapping, and where he deserved a good ass-whooping, it wasn't happening today. Nor was it happening at my Grandma's graveside.

  "When is the funeral for Thomas?" I reached out and tugged at the front of Elec's shirt. There were a million more questions that I wanted to ask, but those could come later. I would get him alone and find out where the fuck my father was, and even more unnerving... where Dante was.

  I'd said a million prayers that he was dead and gone, but something told me that life wasn't going to be that easy. He was most likely lurking around the next corner, waiting for me. Fear wasn't something I was use to indulging, but Dante's latest craze at the house had given me a healthy respect for just how off his rocker he was.

  "We're not having one. He died and that's it." He shrugged and took a step back. "I'm texting you my new number. Don't let anyone know you have it."

  "He's your fucking brother." Dane turned and pinned Elec with a hard stare.

  "He was my cousin. I don't have any brothers. Rafael made up lots of shit you guys don't know about. Dig if you want to, but a better use of your time would be to start searching for him. If you expect him to move counties and lay low while your Stone Wolves clean up and take over, you've lost your fucking minds." He glanced back at me. "Be safe and I'll be in touch."

  "No you won't." Lucky stiffened behind me. "Stay away from Lena, or I'll put a bullet in your crazy-ass head."

  I turned to him and pressed my hands to his chest. "Stop it. Something is up with him. You said yourself that he helped you get into the church. Honor that and let him be until we figure out what's going on."

  "I don't like it." Dane moved toward me, reaching out and touching my arm.

  Lucky slapped his hand away. "You don't get a fucking vote. Go find the pigs you call friends and get your shit together. When you do something to right the wrongs you've done, then come talk to us."

  "Lucky--" I began, but Dane cut me off.

  "He's right. I'm sorry. To both of you." He turned and jogged toward his car, leaving us standing there as the sun slipped behind the clouds and the sky darkened.

  "Let's get out of here. You ready?" Lucky glanced down at me, touching my face gingerly as his anger dissipated. Weariness brushed across his handsome face as his eyes closed. "Smells like rain. Let's get home before it starts."

  I looked up at the sky and closed my eyes, breathing in deeply to see if I could sense it as well. A warm breeze wafted past me, sending goose bumps down my exposed arms. My sleeveless black shirt and slacks weren't at all my style, but I knew my grandma would dote on me for looking like I was ready to go to church.

  "I'm ready to go. Take me back to Grandma's. My bike's there." I reached up and touched the side of his face before pulling him down into a long soft kiss. "I need time to myself for a bit. I want to ride alone if you're okay with that."

  His features tightened a little as he studied my face. He was scared something was going to happen, but we had to figure out how to get over our fears. Death would come knocking again, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to live as much as I could until then. I would welcome the day my father showed back up, and if it wasn't soon enough for my liking, we would be going after him instead.

  "Alright, but promise to text me a million times?" He gave me another quick kiss, blew a kiss toward my grandmother's plot and took my hand.

  "Of course, but not while I'm riding." I patted his butt and smiled at him. "I'll be there in a minute. I want to say goodbye."

  He brushed his fingers across my back and tilted his head to the side, the warmth in his eyes melting my insides. "I'm going to make love to you tonight. I want to infuse you with warmth. Tell me you're going to put up a proper fight."

  "Like the hellcat I am." I winked and turned, walking toward my grandmother's tombstone as the flowers in front of it swayed with the force of the breeze.

  I burst out in more tears as emotion overwhelmed me.

  "I love you, Grandma. Hold the gate open for me. I'm not sure I'll get in otherwise." I knelt down and kissed my fingers before reaching out and brushing them past the old black and white photo we'd placed next to the stone. It was a picture of her, my papa, my mother and me. The smiles on our faces were indicative of the life we'd lived together for as long as we could.

  Sickness rolled over me at the realization that my father had taken the two women I loved most from my life. His plan was to take me out next, I had no doubt.

  "Bring it, asshole. I'm ready."

  Chapter 2

  Lucky

  I dropped Selene off at her Grandma's house and made sure to walk through to check everything before kissing her and leaving her on her own. I hated the idea of her running into any of her cousins, but she was a pretty tough girl.

  Knife had given her a small pistol to keep with her the day after the show down with Rafael at the old church. I was pretty sure she had several weapons of her own, but either way, it felt good knowing that my MC President was concerned for my girl.

  I drove the long way back to the lodge, unsure of whether it would be a good time to sit down and talk with Blade and Knife about moving Selene in or not. They had left the door open on the offer, but now that the dust was starting to settle, I figured it would be good to feel them out for their true feelings on the matter.

  The Delgados were thought to have left town, and there wasn't much activity out at their fancy overdone club house, but that didn't mean they weren’
t here. I was going to take Animal or one of the other guys over there with me and grab Lena's clothes and check the property.

  Something told me that Rafael wouldn't give up his claim to Pleasant Valley that easily. He loved a good fight far too much to let go.

  The dark clouds from earlier held back the rain until I parked my bike under the metal roof garage at the back of the Stone Wolves property. I turned the Harley off and got up, walking to the edge of the covering and watching the rain fall as if the heavens were crying great big tears.

  "You almost made it in time, hm?" Rusty Grier walked toward me with a slight limp, his hands covered in dark oil and his cheeks a little red from working, no doubt.

  "I'd say this is making it. I'm under shelter, aren't I?" I turned and smiled at the oldest member of our club. "How's the leg?"

  "It's alright. I'll live to see another day." He winked and walked back through a row of bikes. "I'm working on Knife's baby. Come back here until the rain lets up a little. Then you can haul your skinny ass back to the house."

  "Alright." I turned from the view I had of the back porch. Several of the old guys were sitting in their leathers at a large round table, playing dominoes from what I could tell. I was jealous of the simplicity under which they lived their lives and structured their days, but my life would be simple one day, too. It had to be youth that left things in such fucked-up disarray.

  Rusty leaned against one of the tool boxes as he sorted through the mess of tools that lay on top of it. His leg had been fine before the event a few days back. He wouldn't tell us what happened, but knowing that he was in the middle of the fray in town with the Black Hearts left me with little doubt that he'd been stabbed, shot or run over. The old goat wouldn't let anyone take him to the hospital from what Animal told me. Typical.

  "How's that fine woman of yours holding up?" He turned back to me and gave me a tight smile.