Emotional Turmoil - Part 3 (Troubled Heart of the Billionaire) Read online

  Deep down, she knew he’d be partly in the right—she’d kept his children from him, and he deserved to be part of their lives, just as they deserved to be in his. Any hope that he’d understand the fears of powerless and disenfranchised twenty-two-year-old housekeeper was pretty slim. He’d never been the underdog, never lacked resources, so he didn’t have much ability to comprehend the feeling of being trapped and disadvantaged. Maybe she could convince him to—to move in or something. To try raising the kids together even though he’d resent her with a white-hot hatred for depriving him of their babyhood, their first steps, and their first words. She lay there and wept, for herself and for him and for her babies whose lives were about to be turned upside down.

  Her cell rang, and it was Harvey. She bit her lip hard and wasn’t sure if she should answer it.

  No. She couldn’t ignore him.

  “Hi, Harvey,” she said.

  “Bella…”

  “I know we have unfinished business, but I am so tired and emotionally drained.”

  “And you think I’m not? I’m past emotionally drained. I’m spent. I let you leave without a fight because I think we both need time to cool down. Telling you off isn’t going to get me back all those years I missed. Yelling and shouting will only make things worse. What is done is done. I don’t want to say things to each other we’ll regret.”

  “Thank you.”

  “But this is far from over.”

  “I know you’re feeling hurt, disappointed, and angry.”

  “Damn straight.”

  “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  “Goodnight, Bella.”

  “Goodnight.”

  Chapter 3

  The next day at work, she was edgy, anxious, waiting for Harvey to call her to his office or to come up behind her and demand to discuss how they would proceed. Bella went to meetings, returned calls and emails, and sat on the edge of her seat, always at the ready. She couldn’t make herself eat lunch, could barely sip her bottled water because she was so nervous about what he would say. She called up to his office but she was dropped straight to voice mail with a message that he was out of the office for the day. She decided to believe that, to accept that he was out of town today on some planned business meeting she knew nothing about rather than spend her time worrying that he was holed up in his palatial office briefing his legal team on how to take her down. That was far-fetched. It was paranoid. It made her sick to think of it.

  She finished up at work, went home and made spaghetti and meatballs for her family. Then she snuggled up with the twins to watch a DVD, all the while feeling jumpy, her eyes skirting to her phone, waiting for him to call, to demand to see the children, to demand rights and acknowledgement and to demand that she confess to Caden and Corinne that she’d lied about their daddy. She cringed at the thought, then tried to laugh it off when Caden, who was leaning up against her on the couch, looked up in puzzlement at her sudden movement.

  “Oh, the movie just scared me,” she laughed nervously.

  “You’re scared of the minions?” Corinne put in skeptically.

  “Yeah, they’re really….loud,” she finished lamely, “who wants grapes? I just washed a fresh bunch,” she said.

  Bella levered herself off the couch and brought them each a bowl of fruit. She usually didn’t let them eat on the furniture, but, much like not sleeping in the big bed with her, those rules seemed to fly out the window when she felt the danger of losing them entirely. No matter how hard she fought, he could simply hire a team of lawyers to destroy her. He had an endless supply of money. She didn’t.

  When she’d tucked her kids into their own beds, congratulating herself on being such an adult about it, she let herself wonder why Harvey hadn’t contacted her. Had he taken the day off because he was so furious he couldn’t trust himself? Or did he plan to get in touch with her via his lawyer? Or his mother and her team of lawyers? Bella clutched her roiling stomach at the thought. She was not powerless. She was not unfit. And she was not losing her kids. She was just making a catastrophe out of a difficult situation. Her hand hovered over her phone, wanting to call him, to find out what he was thinking.

  “Damn it! Why doesn’t he call?” she muttered to herself. “What game is he playing?”

  She stopped herself, knowing that he had the right to some space and time to figure things out. He didn’t owe her an explanation of his feelings, and she’d be unreasonable to demand that he give her a full disclosure of his plans after she’d hidden twins from him for five years. She was uncomfortable not having the moral high ground in this, and she worried a lot about what he would do.

  Chapter 4

  The next day dawned, she got the children off to school with their lunches and their backpacks and their extra shoes for gym class. At the office, she rang Greta, who told her that Harvey wasn’t coming in again today.

  “Did he say why?”

  “Not to me,” Greta said, “I’m just the one who takes his messages. I don’t get a lot of explanations out of him.”

  “Right, sorry. I was being nosy. Hey, if you can send all his calls to voicemail since he’s gone, we could go to lunch today!”

  “I would, but I have to meet with the other executive assistants today at lunch for a training session on our new phone system.”

  “Sounds exciting.”

  “Yeah, total thrill. I bet there isn’t even a free margarita bar.”

  “There should be if you have to spend your lunch watching a Powerpoint about how to use a phone.”

  “It’s not like anyone’s going to listen. We’ll nod and scribble notes, and then leave and bitch about the meeting. Then when I have a problem, I’ll call IT and make them fix it. It’s their system.”

  “So you could skip the meeting and get an email with the instructions and it’d be more useful?”

  “Basically. And it would save IT approximately three thousand distress calls.”

  “Right. I’m on it.”

  “What?”

  “I’m an executive veep. Consider this an efficiency recommendation from the marketing department. I’ll call you back.” Bella contacted IT and found out that it was just standard practice to hold a lunchtime training—no one higher up the food chain had ordered it. She asked if IT could just send an email with bullet point instructions and a link for support, and she could hear cheering in the background. IT, evidently, didn’t like giving up lunch breaks for pointless meetings either.

  She checked with HR to make sure it was okay to change training formats to email instead of face to face and they were fine with it. She even made up a survey for the participants so they could rate their training experience and compare it to lunch meeting seminars for future reference and forwarded it to HR.

  “Done,” she told Greta on the phone, “IT hates those meetings, too and HR said we could try out an email formal and possibly do a Google Hangout for Q&A later if needed. We’re calling a pilot efficiency project.”

  “You rule. I’m buying you lunch.”

  “I know what they pay you. I’m buying lunch.”

  “Okay, sounds good,” Greta said.

  Bella drank a margarita at lunch and Greta had two, and they split a platter of quesadillas. She relaxed a little, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell her friend the truth—it had been so long that she’d kept this secret that it frightened her to tell it to anyone. Even someone she was close to, someone who’d known her way back when and could understand her dilemma. She felt horrible for keeping it from Greta, from everyone really. The margarita took the edge off the misery but not much else.

  It was so hard to play this waiting game. What was going through Harvey’s mind? She needed to know. So she texted him and got back no response.

  Damn it!

  After work, she messaged the nanny that she’d be late, to go ahead and give the kids their dinner and baths. Bella drove the Corvette to Harvey’s place and steeled herself for a confrontation. She’d rehearsed apologetic th
ings to say, defenses for her choice, even a few cutting remarks if necessary. So she was as ready as possible, and she could not stand the suspense any longer. If he was trying to take away her kids, she needed to know so she could prepare for a fight.

  Her stomach fluttered.

  She rode up on the elevator, and when the door slid open, she saw Harvey sitting on his couch, head in his hands in the dark. One light from over the sink gave the only dim illumination. She felt her heart twist at the sight, at how much he must be hurting.

  “Harvey,” she said, her voice high and sad. He turned, looked over his shoulder at her and shook his head. He hadn’t shaved, hadn’t changed since she saw him. He was messy, his sandy hair rumpled, stubble riding along his square jaw. She wanted to go to him, to hold him, to tell him how sorry she was and that she’d do anything in the world if he’d try to forgive her. Anything, but give up her children. That thought was what held her back, hovering in the doorway instead of running to him. All of her instincts told her to go to him, but that one fear restrained her.

  He saved her the trouble. He stood, smoothing his wrinkled shirt pointlessly, and went to her, “Why?” he said, his voice broken.

  “I was afraid you’d take them away. I heard you and your mom talking about how you could get custody if I was pregnant. I was scared, and I ran. I’m sorry.”

  “Not because you thought I’d be a terrible father?”

  “Never,” she said, reaching out and touching his face, feeling the scrape of his stubble against her palm, blinking back tears.

  “I knew this was going to be a tense situation, and that we couldn’t do this without an argument brewing,” Bella said.

  “What did you expect? I’ve been hurt deeply. By leaving, you derailed us.”

  “And you feel like forgiving me is letting me off the hook?”

  “I never said that.”

  “I don’t know how things got this way. It’s like everything escalated out of control. One minute, I was your housekeeper, the next minute, I was pretending to be your fake girlfriend…the next minute…”

  “We fell in love. All that pretending and all those kisses were turning into something real and genuine. I knew it wasn’t fake because I was feeling something very real. The intensity of feelings between us took both of us by surprise.”

  “I was falling head over heels in a whirlwind of romance. You were wining and dining me, giving me expensive gifts, taking me into a world I’d never had known.”

  “Yes, I was trying to stage a scene for our conspiracy, but I it turned into something more. I wanted to impress you, to sweep you off your feet like some Prince Charming in a fairytale.”

  “You did. I was completely swept away.”

  “For a while, everything was perfect. And I keep trying to figure out where it all went wrong.”

  “We can’t dwell on the past. What’s happened has happened.”

  “Did you love me?” he asked.

  “Yes, very much so. I was deeply in love with you. I still am. I never stopped loving you, not even for a minute.”

  “And that love wasn’t enough for you to tell me the truth?”

  “I didn’t know what you would do.”

  “So you assumed what I would do?”

  “I heard what you said!”

  “I don’t remember that conversation very well. It was years ago. But I’m sure I said it to pacify my mother. I didn’t think for one minute you were pregnant, so I said something to shut her up, so she’d be more at easy and not attack you verbally. I was trying to smooth out the situation.”

  “I couldn’t lose my child. I didn’t have a lawyer. I couldn’t afford one. You hadn’t paid me yet. I didn’t think I had a chance in hell against your rich mother. You know she would’ve come after me like a lion chasing after an elk.”

  “You’re right. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. She would’ve come after the baby. But you had me fighting for you in your corner.”

  “I didn’t know if you’d turn against me.”

  “You didn’t even give me a chance,” he said. “And for the record, I wouldn’t have deserted you. I would’ve stood right there by your side.”

  “I’m sorry. I’ve never felt such guilt in my entire life.”

  “If we wouldn’t have run into each other like this, I would’ve never even known I had two children in this world. And we both know you would’ve never told me.”

  “I’m begging you for forgiveness,” Bella said. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you forgive me. I know our shot at love is long and gone. And I’m so sorry we lost something so wonderful, but we can remember the good times. Because we sure had some. And we could remain friends, for the sake of the children. We have to get along for them because we both love them that much and want what’s best.”

  “Resentment is the poison you feed yourself when you won’t forgive someone. Refusing to forgive is living in the past. And I refuse to live in the past. I don’t want years of future conflict between us. And I never meant to hurt you with some of the things I’ve said. It wasn’t intentional, but I was my heart was aching.” He swallowed hard, then looked at her. “I know you’ve suffered just as much as me. I know how hard it was for you to leave me and hide the kids. But you did it because you feared losing them.”

  A tear dripped down her face.

  “Let’s move onto the future. You have a wonderful life that lies in front of you. You have a career and beautiful children. And you have a man that wants to get to know his children and be a father in their lives. So stop worrying about what happened. That was then, and this is now.”

  More tears slid down her face. “I think that this can be a healing journey for both of us.”

  He suddenly embraced her in a tight hug. “I think so too, but it’s going to take time and be a long process.”

  She embraced him in that hug. She sobbed into his chest and he stroked her hair, telling her everything was going to be all right. Bella had never felt so free. She could feel the guilt slowly drifting away. She wouldn’t let it eat her up inside. Harvey was right. They had to forgive the past and move forward. They could both have a wonderful life. They could work out a custody arrangement that worked well for both of them. The kids would love to have their father in their lives. It would be good for the kids and give them a stable life.

  As he continued to hug her, she knew he was a good man. He wouldn’t pull any fast ones. She was sure of it. The two of them could make this work out. Maybe their relationship ended, but they were both still parents to their children. Both of them needed to be present so they could raise two healthy, happy children. She didn’t know what the future held, but she knew they could face it together and support one another. They could take on anything that life threw at them. And they both had the highest purpose: their children’s wellbeing.

  “We can sort this out together,” Bella said. “Getting along together is critical to our kids’ stability. And I think we can do this without getting lawyers involved.”

  “We can make a shared parenting plan with a visitation schedule, their education, finances, medical plan, holidays, special events, and decision-making guidelines.”

  “I want to include you in everything.”

  “And I want to really get to know the kids. I want to be a part of their lives. I know if you give me the chance, that I can be a really good father.”

  She gazed up at him. “I know you could be. And I’ll try to help them feel connected to you.”

  “What if you remarry?”

  “Doesn’t matter. You are their father. That will never change.”

  Tears welled up in his eyes, and he couldn’t speak. Bella touched his hand softly.

  “Thank you for letting me into their lives,” he said.

  “I think it’s best we don’t dwell on what happened, but start new,” she said.

  Harvey dragged her against him like a drowning man, like he needed her more than anything. His mouth found hers and hi
s kiss was desperate, punishing, his lips forcing hers apart roughly, his tongue plundering her mouth until her knees went weak and she had to sway against him, cling to him or fall down.

  Without a single thought, a single word beyond what they’d already spoken, they tore at each other’s clothes. Her red suit jacket tumbled to the floor, his rumpled shirt and his wrinkled pants. Her perfectly creased red trousers and the lacy pink thong beneath them were shoved to the floor, and she stepped out of them. She stood exposed before him and his hand went instantly between her legs, cupping her mound, his fingers stroking and pressing along her flesh. She felt the thrilling tremor of his rough fingers on her tender skin, and she thought foolishly how glad she was that she’d had a Brazilian, that she was bare beneath his questing hands so she didn’t miss a single bolt of sensation.

  Harvey’s commanding presence, his demanding touch stirred something in her. He took what he wanted, he always had. It shouldn’t turn her on, but it did. She was an independent woman. She’d fought hard for everything she had. But what she wanted at this moment was to surrender. She’d kept the babies a secret, had kept them from their father. She’d hurt him, had hurt herself in the bargain. They could heal each other, maybe, just maybe, and perhaps this was the first step. If they could come together, if she accepted him, welcomed him into her body that yearned for him so achingly hard, then it might help.

  Bella wound her arms around his neck as his mouth blazed a trail down her neck. A sizzle started below her ear and sparked down her body, her breath coming faster, her hands clutching his hair. The scrape of his beard on her sensitive flesh felt erotic, heightening his every kiss with a roughness that was new. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her lips again, hard and insistent, bruising her lips even as she kissed him back with equal enthusiasm. She pulled him toward the bedroom, as urgent as he in her desire.

  Harvey backed her into his room and turned her around, his hand on her back pushing her down to bend at the waist, so her chest and face were on the bed, her backside high. His tongue licked a single stroke between her legs and she felt her knees tremble as she groaned. He lapped at her again with only the tip of his hot tongue, probing the folds at the joining of her thighs.